Cardi b money moves gif1/29/2024 ![]() ![]() ![]() Almost as soon as Cardi swaggered into popular consciousness, she became inescapable. It's possible to remember a time in American popular music before Cardi B, but only because we left it so recently-just last summer. In big black letters, the sweatshirt says: ᴅᴇsɪɢɴᴇʀ ᴘᴜssʏ. She is tiny enough that she can wear a long black tank top as a dress in a public restaurant, but for modesty's sake she has added a rosebud pink sweatshirt over it. Tonight her hair, lately blonde, has been teased into a kind of spun-sugar bouffant: Cardi B as Jackie O. The hills and slopes of her body are so captivating that you might not even notice the delicate beauty of her countenance until it's staring at you head-on from across a dimly lit restaurant booth while you wait to discover what it is that Cardi loves. This engineering foresight helps explain why, before she began making music history (a randomly chosen milestone from her tennis bracelet of success: she is the first rapper to have her first three Billboard Hot 100 entries in the Top 10 simultaneously), she was not just a successful stripper but a wildly successful one. With the aid of cutting-edge Millennium science, in the form of orbicular breast implants and illegal buttocks injections, America's sudden favorite rapper, Cardi B, has built her body for optimal viewing at medium-to-long-distance range. ![]() For her to ensure you're paying attention. Her speech is hyper-fast but full of built-in extra time for you to catch up. She does this a lot: stops like a cliff diver savoring the charged seconds before a jump. "I love…," begins Cardi B-pink, glistening ribs in hand slick, brick-colored barbecue sauce clotting under Swarovski-crystal manicure-and then hangs in silent pause. ![]()
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